Horror movies are supposed to make your heart race, your palms sweat, and maybe even force you to sleep with the lights on. But sometimes, they miss the mark so badly you’re left yawning instead of screaming. Let’s dive into three horror flicks that promised chills and delivered… well, mostly eye rolls. These aren’t just flops; they’re masterclasses in how to drain the fear right out of a spooky premise.
I’m Michael McKown, president of Ghostwriters Central, Inc. We have been providing professional screenwriting services to clients worldwide since 2002. I have skilled horror screenwriters under contract. If you’ve got an idea for a movie that ought to terrify viewers, my writers can create and polish the script. Your first consultation is free. All you need to do is stab the link. Let’s get on with it . . .
First up, The Happening from 2008. M. Night Shyamalan had a knack for twists, but this one? Oh boy. The pitch sounds creepy: nature turns against humanity, and people start offing themselves for no clear reason. Plants are the villains, whispering death through the wind. Cool, right? Except it’s not. Mark Wahlberg stumbles through as a science teacher, looking more confused than terrified, while Zooey Deschanel just stares blankly like she’s lost her script.
The big scare is supposed to be a guy feeding himself to lions at the zoo, but it’s so over-the-top it’s almost slapstick. “What? No!” Wahlberg yells at the trees, and you can’t help but giggle. Critics tore it apart. Roger Ebert called it “a movie that starts with a bang and ends with a whimper.” Audiences agreed; it’s got a 17% on Rotten Tomatoes. The wind rustling leaves isn’t scary; it’s a lullaby.
Then there’s The Wicker Man remake from 2006. Not the eerie 1973 original, mind you, but the Nicolas Cage disaster that’s more meme than masterpiece. Cage plays a cop hunting for a missing girl on a creepy island full of pagan weirdos. Sounds like a recipe for dread, doesn’t it? Nope.
The tension evaporates the second Cage starts flailing around, punching women in bear suits and screaming about bees. “How’d it get burned? How’d it get burned?!” he bellows, and you’re not clutching your armrest, you’re clutching your sides laughing. The original had a slow-burn folk-horror vibe that stuck with you. This one? It’s a train wreck you can’t look away from, but not because it’s frightening. It’s so bad it’s good, earning a cult following for all the wrong reasons. “The bees! My eyes!” Cage wails, and fear turns into farce.
Last on the chopping block is Jaws: The Revenge from 1987. The first Jaws made people afraid to dip a toe in the ocean. This fourth installment? It’s a shark that forgot how to bite. Ellen Brody, played by Lorraine Gary, is back, convinced the great white has a personal vendetta against her family. A shark with a grudge — wild premise, right? Too bad it’s executed like a soggy soap opera. The shark roars (yes, roars), follows her from New York to the Bahamas, and somehow targets her son. But the effects are laughable. Think rubber fins and obvious miniatures.
One scene has Michael Caine, fresh off an Oscar win, dodging the beast in a plane crash, only to pop up dripping wet and cracking wise. “I’ve never seen a shark do that before,” he quips, and neither have we, because it’s nonsense. The tagline promised “This time, it’s personal,” but the only thing personal was the audience’s grudge against wasting two hours. It bombed so hard it sank the franchise for years.
So why did these movies flop at scaring us? The Happening took a solid idea and drowned it in awkward acting and silliness. Plants as killers could’ve been unsettling, think Little Shop of Horrors with less charm, but it felt like a science class gone wrong. The Wicker Man leaned too hard into Cage’s unhinged energy, turning a haunting tale into a punchline. And Jaws: The Revenge? It stretched a classic monster into a cartoon, proving even sharks can jump the shark.
Horror’s a tricky beast. It’s supposed to tap into our primal fears — darkness, the unknown, nature’s wrath. When it works, like in The Exorcist or The Shining, you’re still shivering days later. But these three? They’re the skeletons in the closet Hollywood wishes it could bury. Next time you’re in the mood for a scare, skip these duds. They’re less “boo!” and more “boo-hoo.”
If you choose us to write your horror script, the writer I recommend to do the work will certainly want to hear your opinion.
Written by Michael McKown